Asylum of the Suicidal Monkey

Friday, September 12, 2008

Post Marriage, And The Nonsense That Continues

"Baby when I was in the shower I got shampoo in my eye AND my mouth."

Me: "Well what the hell were you doing??"

"I was just trying to make a beard!"

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Nobody Likes a Tease

I hate oscillating fans. They string you along making you think you're getting cooled down, just for a moment, then change direction on you and leave you wanting more. When that blast of air leaves you instantly you're suffering from withdraws.

"Sooo Hot! Must Get That Cool Blast Again! Where is it? Where IS it?! Wher-AHHHhhhhh... that's the stuff. NOOOOOO!! AGAAAIN!!"

That cool breeze I swear is just like crack. Except people aren't getting shot over it... I don't think.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Missed Appointment... Unfortunately

I was suppose to get married today.






Because I said so yesterday...

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Matt 6:19

I think I'd let a burgular break into my apartment...if I could video tape the look of disappointment on his face when he did.

: (

Monday, April 30, 2007

"Although slow, and dangerous behind the wheel..."

What's the deal with old people buying sports cars and then driving them at a blistering pace of about 0-35 mph in a minute and a half?

A while ago, as I'm heading to a hockey game, I end up behind a niiiice Porsche. I'm tailing it as we round an entrance ramp to jump on the expressway. We get to the merge stretch and there I am riding the bumper because they can't seem to find the throttle. Just before I get majorly hosed by cars coming from behind I finally punch it and get out of dodge, reluctantly speeding by like another sports car driver trying to show off their power. I hate making a move like that because the last thing I want is for people to think I'm trying to show off, but I wasn't even about to get jammed because this joker is too busy daydreaming about driving this machine that they have no idea what to do with.

What makes people want to buy such nice cars when they're too old to even "enjoy" it? I understand that not many people can afford such nice cars until they're older, but based on the way a lot of these older connoisseurs of fine automobiles drive their rides it seems they make the purchase solely on the fact that they want to display a high level of social status. What happened to the days where you'd buy a car because of its performance aspects and not because of how it makes you look? Though maybe I should question if there ever was a day like that to begin with. By the way, this doesn't necessarily pertain to only sports cars, as the soccer mom rolls by in her ridiculous looking "H1 with downs" H2.

I'm not trying to say no body old should be buying sports cars. I'm just trying to "revolutionize" the way people think, and broadcast my opinion that if you're behind the wheel of something that can really move, then get up on the wheel and freakin drive.








Actually I don't really care. Just so long as you're not obnoxiously holding me up...

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Loop Swoop and Pull

So it's been two days in a row, after a flawless run since buying my shoes about three months ago, that my laces have slipped apart on me before making it through the entire day. What's the deal??

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Whacked Out Brilliance...

One of the very few authors that I actually know just died recently. Kurt Vonnegut is quite well known and has written some very good novels over the years... I guess. I only know "Cats Cradle," being forced to read it in a college class my freshman year. (I didn't mind it.) I remember the professor in that class. He was whacked! I'm pretty sure he always came to class blown out of his mind. Maybe just smoked a lot but I wouldn't have been surprised if he was doing coke. He was sooo *slow* and just funny the way he talked and acted. Someone would say something semi funny and he'd pause... and then just let out this really dorky kind of snort. It was so funny. I saw a picture of Vonnegut for the first time today and he TOTALLY looks just like that professor I had. Literature professors or so messed up.


Anyway, I know Vonnegut has written some interesting stuff over the years, but I stumbled upon these two quotes in particular.

"When Hemingway killed himself he put a period at the end of his life; old age is more like a semicolon."

"My father, like Hemingway, was a gun nut and was very unhappy late in life. But he was proud of not committing suicide. And I'll do the same, so as not to set a bad example for my children."

Kurt Vonnegut was pretty messed up in his thinking on life (by my all joking aside standards) from what I know about him. Very liberal and out in left field smoking the grass, messed up. Though these two quotes I really found interesting. Here he was a suicidal type person (actually tried but failed at one point in his life) and wasn't opposed to such an idea, but when it came down to it he still had enough sense to make the right call.


There are a lot of bright, but not necessarily wise, people in the world.





This world needs God...

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Words Can't Describe. But A Picture...

Saturday, April 07, 2007

Go Green! Part III

That was one of the best hockey games I've ever seen. Again, so hard to watch, but what an exciting outcome.

Scoreless first period, 1-0 BC second period, and MSU ties it up in the third period. Then, just when you're getting ready to settle in for an intense overtime, MICHIGAN STATE GOAL WITH 18 SECONDS LEFT!!!

Phenomenal...


My favorite part- Boston College losing a second straight year in the championship game to a Big Ten team.

Friday, April 06, 2007

Go Green! Part II

I forgot how hard it is to watch playoff hockey, when one game actually does matter for once. Though when your team wins, there is no feeling like it in the world. Specially when they come from a 2 goal deficit!

It feels so good to breathe again.




*Quotes of the week*

"Stop bitch slapping me with a prayer card!"

"But looney tunes is coming on!!"
-My 33 year old golf partner as his wife changes the channel to the Flyers game.